Polite Savages (tm)

No Smoking and No High Heels (Spiky that is)

     The holidays are approaching and the social season begins.  We send and receive invitations to dinners, cocktail parties and the like.  Recently I received a holiday cocktail party invitation through evite, which is perfectly fine.  However, instead of a warm description of the purpose or character of the party I read the following three lines: 

- RSVP by December 7th.

- Smoking on roof deck only (not inside or in front of house).

-  Spiky high heel shoes not permitted on top floor of house.

     I don't have a problem with the first item because a hostess is perfectly within her rights to know who's coming.  The second two things make me want to smoke and wear spiky high heels, two things I don't do.  Those statements are not very welcoming although I completely understand the rationale.  I don't permit smoking in my home and I dread high heels marking our wood floors.  On the other hand, I would hope that as adults and living in a certain society, we all know that smoking is not permitted unless otherwise specified and I've been to many parties where people either offer to take off their shoes or the hosts don't demonstrate their floor fetish openly. 

     I would suggest to these people that they just not bother having the party or they get over it.  As a practical matter, they can ask people not to smoke and close off the floor of their house with the soft floors.   And to boot I hope that their neighbors realize that apparently these hosts think that it's OK for their guests to smoke in front of other people's homes. 

Disciplining the Children of Others

My last post begs the question: "Is it proper to discipline other people's children?"   Mind you, by "discipline" I don't mean physical beatings or emotional torture.  I just mean instruction by rational dialog. 

The answer as always, is "it depends."  It depends on the context. 

Are you at home or in a public place?  Are the children your guests or within your care?  Are they guests or the children of hosts?  How well do you know these children?  How close are you to their parents? 

Over the next several weeks, I will explore this subject.

Ching Chang Charlie, Do You Know Karate?

That is what one of my daughter's acquaintances was chanting in the pool yesterday.  Apparently it was some form of pool game that I've never played.  That rhyme, however, was one that I heard quite often as a child growing up in mostly white suburban New Jersey.  I stopped dead in my tracks and asked her to repeat the rhyme.  I then told her that in our house, we do not tolerate such speech.  She didn't understand and I believed her.  I continued to explain to her that games, jokes or stories based on race or ethnicity can be offensive to people who are members of those groups.  Eventually she got it, especially after I asked her if she would like it if called her a honky white girl from a trailer park.  She was a good sport about it and hopefully she'll correct her family members at home.