Polite Savages (tm)

No Smoking and No High Heels (Spiky that is)

     The holidays are approaching and the social season begins.  We send and receive invitations to dinners, cocktail parties and the like.  Recently I received a holiday cocktail party invitation through evite, which is perfectly fine.  However, instead of a warm description of the purpose or character of the party I read the following three lines: 

- RSVP by December 7th.

- Smoking on roof deck only (not inside or in front of house).

-  Spiky high heel shoes not permitted on top floor of house.

     I don't have a problem with the first item because a hostess is perfectly within her rights to know who's coming.  The second two things make me want to smoke and wear spiky high heels, two things I don't do.  Those statements are not very welcoming although I completely understand the rationale.  I don't permit smoking in my home and I dread high heels marking our wood floors.  On the other hand, I would hope that as adults and living in a certain society, we all know that smoking is not permitted unless otherwise specified and I've been to many parties where people either offer to take off their shoes or the hosts don't demonstrate their floor fetish openly. 

     I would suggest to these people that they just not bother having the party or they get over it.  As a practical matter, they can ask people not to smoke and close off the floor of their house with the soft floors.   And to boot I hope that their neighbors realize that apparently these hosts think that it's OK for their guests to smoke in front of other people's homes. 

Wine Tasting

   On July 9, 2007 the New York Times ran an article, "It's a Tasting, not a Guzzling, L.I. Wineries Remind Guests", about the growing trend of wine tasting guests that seem more like college kids on spring break in Panama City instead of responsible adults trying to enrich their palates.  Needless to say, getting drunk at a wine tasting and skinny-dipping in the adjacent lake is hardly appropriate or considerate to other guests. 

     I though of this article because last night, I went to a lovely wine tasting of wines from the Loire Valley and some new world wines at Chelsea Wine Vault.  In case you were wondering, I was the epitome of self-restraint.  We sampled some beautiful wines and tossed around words like flinty, chalky, minerality, vanilla, nose, body and fruit bomb.  I stretched my limited knowledge of wine.  I sniffed deeply from the glass and then made thoughtful faces as I set the glass down.  I ooh-ed and ah-ed for my favorite wines and said that they had "remarkable depth," or were "lovely and enticing."  Granted not perfect wine-speak but good adjectives nonetheless since they avoided naming specific aromas.  What if I described something as "grassy" when it was really "citrusy"? 

     But really, it was like sitting through a time-share presentation.  Everything was magical and would greatly improve my life.  Representatives from the distributors were on hand to extol the virtues of their wares.  I felt like I was an active audience participant in an infomercial about Loire Valley wines.  Eventually you were either convinced by their pretty words or guilted into buying something.  My partner ended up buying 12 cases. 

     Some of my favorites were the Domaine Laureau Savennieres "bel Ouvrage" and the Domaine Frederic Mabileau St. Nicolas de Bourgeuil "Eclipse" both distributed in the U.S. by Jon-David Headrick Selections and Teira Sonoma Sauvignon Blanc distributed by Teira Wines.

     My favorite quote from the evening was "It's forty years after the summer of love, it's time to get back to acidity" so said one of the wine distributor reps. 

Fire Island Dance Festival; Disciplining Other People's Children

     Considering that I am not too into modern dance, I've seen quite a bit of it these past few weeks.  Maybe, I'll become a fan yet.  This past weekend my daughter and I attended the Fire Island Dance Festival benefiting Dancers Responding to AIDS.  Apparently this benefit raised $300,000 from this past weekend alone.  Well done!  Believe me, that's pretty good when you think about all the benefits and fund raisers that barrage you year round.  There are benefits for every cause, not to mention the premature fund raising of the the 2008 U.S. presidential candidates.  Unfortunately, my partner was not able to come and enjoy the benefit of his patronage.  Instead, he had to go to a funeral in Reno, NV.  So we had extra tickets.  We were able to bring two of our daughter's friends.  The remaining two, I gave back.  Our seats were damn good.  I felt like royalty  We sat about 10 feet from the stage with no rows blocking us.  So please be aware and if you can donate to Dancers Responding to AIDS.  It's very worthy I assure you.  I hope that you know by now that if I don't believe in an organization or a cause, I would not promote it.  I'm not a celebrity so I cannot be bought.

     So back to telling other people's children what to do.  My daughter has friends on the Island of Fire that she saw for the last time for the summer this past weekend.  She will be going to Taiwan with my mother to explore her ethnic heritage much like me at the same age.  Since we had extra tickets, I thought it would be nice to invite her friends to sit with us so my daughter could share the experience with her friends.  Certain of her friends on the island are really lovely but these certain friends would benefit from a summer at finishing school.  During the performance, I had to shush them and threaten that I would send them to wait outside if they continued to talk during the performance.  I'm not a total hard-ass.  It's fine to talk in between during the clapping and announcements so long as it is discrete.  Perhaps, I am too self-conscious, being uptight or in the front row.  Maybe I just shouldn't give a crap but that's not me.  And if I felt that way then I wouldn't be killing myself to maintain this blog and try to increase readership.  From what I've seen and heard Americans and people from other nationalities are very concerned about good manners.   

Chanto and Men in Undershirts

    

     I just came back from the loveliest dinner at Chanto with a dear friend of mine who dissed me on my birthday.  He replied that he would attend and then never showed up.  While he did call later in the evening to let me know, I was not too pleased.  So the lesson from that story is that if you commit to going to an event, you should follow through or else your host just might hate you.  What if your host is relying on a headcount or has prepaid for a meal?  It's just rude not to show up.  Granted if there was a true emergency like he was hit by a car, I would have been more understanding.  But enough berating and preaching.  So my dear friend made up for his absence by spending some quality time with me this evening at a new and delectable Japanese restaurant.  I forgave him after we drank a bottle of sake.  Chanto was stylish and nicely sized without being overbearing unlike certain other pretentious Japanese juggernauts in this city which I will not name.  You can venture a guess.  The quality of the fish was superb and the sushi was beautifully presented.  The deal was sealed for us when we noticed that the clientele was mostly Japanese.  Then you know it's got to be good.

    During our meal we watched the summer night parade of the West Village.  We watched groups of girls struggling to emulate Sex and the City.  There were the usual tourists looking everywhere which no real New Yorker ever does.  Then we saw a good-looking gay couple that decided that it was OK to wear their underwear out of the house.  OK they weren't really that bare.  They were wearing shorts and white undershirts.  Whether they were wearing underpants was unknown to us.  My friend offered to run after them with his new iPhone to take their picture.  I declined.  I think his offer was really a result of him wanting to show off his iPhone. 

     But back to the topic at hand.  What is it about the summertime that causes people of all backgrounds, rich and poor, gay and straight, black and white, man or woman, to think that it is OK to wear undergarments in public places?  Perhaps the heat bakes good judgment out of our heads.  Or maybe it's our crotch-flashing (e.g., Britney, Lindsay and Paris), exhibitionist culture that encourages people to show off their bodies regardless of physical condition?  I just don't know.  But what I do know is that undergarments should stay under something or displayed in the privacy of one's home or at a strip club.  Except perhaps if you're really, really hot, then you can getaway with anything. 

Disciplining the Children of Others

My last post begs the question: "Is it proper to discipline other people's children?"   Mind you, by "discipline" I don't mean physical beatings or emotional torture.  I just mean instruction by rational dialog. 

The answer as always, is "it depends."  It depends on the context. 

Are you at home or in a public place?  Are the children your guests or within your care?  Are they guests or the children of hosts?  How well do you know these children?  How close are you to their parents? 

Over the next several weeks, I will explore this subject.

Ching Chang Charlie, Do You Know Karate?

That is what one of my daughter's acquaintances was chanting in the pool yesterday.  Apparently it was some form of pool game that I've never played.  That rhyme, however, was one that I heard quite often as a child growing up in mostly white suburban New Jersey.  I stopped dead in my tracks and asked her to repeat the rhyme.  I then told her that in our house, we do not tolerate such speech.  She didn't understand and I believed her.  I continued to explain to her that games, jokes or stories based on race or ethnicity can be offensive to people who are members of those groups.  Eventually she got it, especially after I asked her if she would like it if called her a honky white girl from a trailer park.  She was a good sport about it and hopefully she'll correct her family members at home.